“I think you wanted more for your life.” These are the words that have been stuck in my head since last night. When someone close to me spoke these words to me in a conversation about my future with Matt and our plan to start a food truck, I took it to heart. These words made my blood boil, because it is so far from the truth.
I’ve never really had detailed expectations of what my life would look like when I was younger. I jokingly talked about becoming a CEO of a huge company at one point, when in reality, it would cost me more time with my loved ones, and I would hate that. I never wanted to get stuck in the office through dinner time. It was quite simple in my head, actually. My expectations, my plan, was to go to college, get a job, get married, and start a family of my own. Okay, so the order got a tad bit mixed up. But does that really matter when I’ve still accomplished those things?
I did get a job, the best job, when I became a mom.
If we move out of California I do plan on getting a career with my degree (which I’ll get in the Spring)! I still don’t know exactly what career that will be, but isn’t that the case with many 22 year olds? If we stay in CA then our plan of starting a food truck will most likely take place and I’ll help with that while homeschooling the kid(s). But I still haven’t decided whether I’m destined to be a stay at home mom while homeschooling the kiddos, or if I’m meant to go on to get a career working 5 days a week. It’s just nice to know that I have those options.
I did get married.
My few expectations when I was younger was to find a tall husband with blue eyes and light hair, who loved me even through the bad days. Matt is only 5 foot 10, (he says 5’11 on a good day) but instead of a super tall hubby, I got one with dimples, which I’ll take over tall any day! I didn’t just marry a man with blue eyes, I married a man with blue eyes that look at me like he’s falling in love with me all over again, that look at me like I’m the most beautiful girl he’s ever laid eyes on. And did I mention he’s blonde? Okay so we can check the husband physical feature expectations off the list. Love me through the bad days? Our first year of marriage was filled with pregnancy hormones followed by a colicky newborn during hot August nights. Needless to say, Matt has seen me on my absolute worst days, and 2 and a half years later he loves me even more than the day we said “I do!”
I did start a family of my own.
This is about where my expectations ended. All I really planned was to have 2 kids. There’s plenty of time for baby#2 so let’s talk about the one I already have. Roen is the light of my life. He makes the smallest of errands an adventure. He makes all the sacrifices worth it 10x over. He is so fun to be around and I would do anything for him. The exception to my expectations of having children was that I didn’t always plan on having my own. I was so terrified of childbirth that I was seriously considering adopting. I’m glad I got to experience labor for myself though because it really wasn’t as bad as I thought, and it brought me the greatest gift!
This brings us to the end of Carley’s simple expectations of her life. I remember this rich lawyer who was a regular at my former job, who once asked me what I dreamed of in life. I basically explained the expectations I just mentioned. He asked me why I didn’t want to reach for more? For a mansion, a vacation house, etc.. My answer was simple: my expectations were enough for me. Simple is enough for me. Especially when I look at the 2 people I get to share life with. My complaints are so small in comparison to the majority of people around the world. How could I not be happy with where I am? The interesting part of the story is that the rich lawyer who judged what I wanted in life spent the few hours he didn’t spend at the office at my work getting drunk, instead of being home with the Mrs. He had the million dollar house, he had the vacation house, a boat, all of those things he encouraged me to strive for, and yet, I am almost positive my life brings me more happiness, even if I don’t have cash to blow.
I didn’t want more for my life. I still don’t want more for my life. Sure there’s little imperfections I would like to adjust. There will always be materialistic things I want but can’t have. And knowing the unknown might make our decisions easier, but what fun is that? Overall I am over-joyed with the life God has given me. I will continue to be the best mom I can be, to practice patience and self-control. I will continue to wake up each day striving to be a better wife than I was the day before. I can’t predict the future. I can try to plan it, but it can still go off course. We’ve been praying for a year of what the next big step is, whether it be starting a business here or a different state, or moving and doing something completely different. But Matt and I are being patient and waiting to see what the Lord has planned for us. No matter where I end up, I know that I have enough as long as I have my man and our little man to share life’s precious moments with.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”