Now that the euphoric labor hormones have come and gone, the struggle of daily fatigue while caring for a fussy newborn and an emotional three year old has taken over. The hardest part of having two kids isn’t having two kids. The hardest part is having a newborn at all. Roen, aside from having separation anxiety when I walk ahead of him and Matt in the grocery store, or don’t get him a snack right when he asks, has been easy! He is so smart, funny, and loving and I couldn’t ask for a better three year old! I absolutely love his personality and wonder where he got so much spunk from!
Gryffin has made our family feel complete and I can’t picture life without him. I have so much love for him, and the whole family can’t help but be in awe when he smiles or coos. My heart has grown to love him just as much as I love my first born, and I would do anything for him. But it. is. hard! I know he doesn’t cry just to cry, and I know this stage will fly by, but at the same time, I look at each new day as one day closer to no more witching hours and what seems like endless crying and walking back and fourth with him across the house to soothe him. I long for days of being able to better predict his sleeping and eating schedule. I long for the days where he’s not nursing every hour like he does at times now, and being able to sleep longer stretches at night. I long for the days where I don’t have to wait for Matt to hold Gryff just so I can shower or use the bathroom, or just have a moment to myself! And the hardest part of it all is that I’m having a hard time. I hate myself for getting so frustrated and overwhelmed so easily. I don’t remember struggling with Roen, and this is my second rodeo, so I pictured it being easier. I don’t believe you can spoil a baby, and I think letting an infant cry without trying to meet their needs or comfort them is incredibly wrong. I will continue to hold him and do my best to soothe his cries because I know he doesn’t cry for no reason. But man, is it hard having a newborn!
Matt deserves a huge shoutout. For about 2 weeks I was riding the waves of the after effects of a natural birth. It was unlike anything I had after my hospital birth. I felt so good! The lack of sleep didn’t effect me. I never wanted to put Gryffin down and his cries were so sweet and I was happy to hold him and comfort him when he would scream his cute little head off. I was in la la land and I never wanted to leave… And then it wore off and it all started to effect me. The lack of sleep, the frequent crying, plus the pain of thrush was killing me. But I felt bad asking for help from my hard working husband. I thought, this is my job, he has a business to run and it would be selfish to have him up at night with the baby, or on his feet in the day, walking around with Gryffin when he was fussy. But eventually, after I lost it and broke down, I explained to Matt how I was feeling, something that has never come easily for me, and he stepped up to the plate. I seldom have to ask for his help now. He takes over before I even need the help. He really is a superdad, and without him I don’t know how I would do it. So having a newborn again has not come easy to me, but that’s just reminded me that I’m human. While I envy the moms whose babies rarely cry and sleep all night, I wouldn’t trade my baby boy for anything, because he’s mine and he has completed our family puzzle. Even if I did have to cut out my mom fuel, aka, caffeine to help with his gas! 😅